Walking in Pink: A Huge Thank You

Published on by Lisa Hockaday1 Comment

What an unforgettable weekend! The Susan G. Komen 3-Day in Dallas/Fort Worth was equal parts inspiring, exhausting, and downright fun — and I couldn’t have done it without all of you. 💕

From the moment we laced up our sneakers (and yes, we wore pink tutus 😅) to the final steps of the walk, your support was with me every step of the way. Every donation, encouraging message, and cheer sent my way carried me through the toughest miles and kept my spirit soaring.

My reminder of why this fight matters so much.

Walking as a survivor is a special kind of experience. Every smile, every high-five, every burst of pink along the route was a reminder of the hope, strength, and love surrounding all of us who are part of this journey. It’s a celebration of the fighters, the survivors, and the friends and family who support us — people like you!

Thank you for being part of this journey! Join me in Tampa for the 3-day in February 2027!

Fun facts:
Corlee and I were the top rookie fundraisers.
The walk is held 4x per year. Our recent walk itself raised $2.1 million for breast cancer research.

#The3Day #PinkPower #ThankYou #pinkbubble Susan G. Komen 3-Day #koman3day #the3day

5 Years — A Survivor’s Step

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Recently, I submitted my original pathology for a new genomic test designed to predict the benefit of extended endocrine therapy—the daily treatment I was prescribed for 10 years. That tiny pill, Arimidex, has been a constant companion. It’s lifesaving, yes—but also, literally, figuratively, and in every imaginable way, a hard pill to swallow.

The results of this new test gave me a gift I never expected: I can step off Arimidex and leave that chapter behind.

This is big. I was told 10 years. And now, at the five-year mark, I get to close the medicine cabinet and open something new.

Another beautiful thing about 5 years…I’m considered cured from breast cancer…I’m crowned a survivor.

In honor of this milestone I’m headed to Dallas in October for the 3-Day Walk – that’s right! – the Susan G. Komen Walk!

I’m walking not just for myself, but for the many who are still in it, those just starting, and those holding space for someone they love. —I walk for life. For breath. For all the steps we take after the storm.

If you feel moved to support this next chapter, I’d be honored to receive your donation. Every gift fuels research, healing, and hope—for me, and for so many others walking this same road.

If my journey has touched your heart, I invite you to join me—whether in body, in spirit, or in support. Your donation to my fundraiser helps fuel the very kind of groundbreaking research that made my recent genomic test possible. It also supports vital patient services and the fierce, unwavering hope that carries us all forward. No amount is too small.

https://www.facebook.com/donate/1651580228824923/

With love in my heart and rhythm in my stride,

Lisa

April 31, 2025

Cancer: Why Me? Why the heck not?

Published on by Lisa Hockaday2 Comments

cropped-49eecbba-6ee4-4ad4-9edd-f3769ef680da.pngAt 49 years old I never thought I would be fighting for my life. But here I am with invasive ductal carcinoma. I’ve had alot of time on my hands since my diagnosis….too much. Leaving lots of thought to think…

I spent the first several weeks thinking, “why me?”. I‘m an athlete, great blood pressure, low cholesterol. I’m a non-smoker. I breast-fed my babies. I generally lead a “clean” lifestyle. On top of my health and actions, my family paid our cancer “dues” after losing my 34-year-old brother to cancer.

”Why me?”

The question remained. Was it karma? Was it the underwire bra? I finally asked the question out loud to my neighbor and close friend, “Why me?”. My friend looked me in the eyes, “cancer does not discriminate”. My friend is a 7-year survivor.

Bingo.

”Why not me?”

My number was up.
It was my turn.

I am one of the 8 people I personally know that has or had breast cancer. Four of us on the very same street.

“Why not me”. This change of thought has drastically helped me bear the last two months as I wait to start my fight with cancer. I think of the many women out there who are waiting. I don’t know these women, but I “know” them well…their thoughts, their questions, their wait.

The soonest surgery date available was 2 months away. February 18.

I stopped asking why and started mentally and physically preparing for a bilateral mastectomy and whatever treatments may follow. I’ve got lots to do and asking why wasn’t going to take up any more of my time. So why not me? I’m ready to start my fight!

Feb 16, 2020

24 hours.

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cropped-9ea272b9-26e5-4ee8-951f-c631d3b50f88.jpegAs I get older time moves faster. The years, months, and days speed exponentially. What seemed like yesterday was in reality long ago. December 19, 2019 the clock ceased ticking. Two months ago a phone call made time stand still. The past 8 weeks took 2 years. For 56 days I was stuck in slow motion. For 1,344 hours one word was on my mind: cancer.

24 hours till my bilateral mastectomy.

My story begins December 18 with a left breast biopsy. Other than the discomfort of the procedure, I wasn’t overly concerned. For the past 9 years I have had my mammograms, sometimes twice a year. I’ve even had a couple of biopsies in the left breast leaving me with the cutest titanium ribbons to notate a baseline. I’m told I have dense tissue and they should have my results in a week.

December 19, I’m in the classroom. Winter break starts the next day and the students were full of sugar and anticipation. Complete chaos. My phone rings. Odd, I don’t use my phone while at school, It’s never on or even near me, I should just ignore it. But it continues to ring.

Compelled, I step into the hallway and answer. The seemingly distant voice says “pathology, pen, paper”. My face flushes as I think: it’s not even 24 hours past the biopsy. My call is interrupted by a student who hands me a Christmas Present and reaches for a hug. I return to the phone call and write down a number. A class walks by, “Hi Mrs. Hockaday“, “I love your Santa sweater Mrs. Hockaday”, “Look at the book I checked out Mrs. Hockaday”. Back to the phone call I scribble down words like lobular, invasive, ductal, and carcinoma. I start to repeat the phone number back…The Grinch tickled me as she walked through the hallway. “Merry Christmas Grinch”, I reply…

I had questions for the person on the phone. I had lots of questions but I didn’t know what those questions were. With that I pushed the notes deep into my pocket and returned to the classroom welcoming the distracting chaos.

The day continues painfully slow. That word in my head repeats over again; cancer. A decade passes till dismissal.

That evening I hand the note to my husband Bobby. He can’t decipher my scratching and not only is it too late to call, I wrote the number down wrong. My appointment is December 26. I wait to ask my questions. We decide to keep the information to ourselves till after the Holidays, “to not worry till we know more, focus on Christmas with friends and family.” Easier said than done.

Now, 24 hours before surgery with just enough time to pack my bag, and hug my boys I reflect on ”the wait”. As tough and tedious it was…scared, angry, anxious, sleepless nights, and lots of tears…I realize the wait is part of the process that got me to today; ready.

Feb 17, 2020

Zero Hour: Mastectomy

Published on by Lisa Hockaday3 Comments

3EB4816F-0BCD-479C-9D36-6CF9BF62BD86Disclaimer: the second half of this post is written on a coctail of pain killers and muscle relaxers….

The 3am alarm was alarming to say the least. Surpisingly I slept like a baby, I was in a deep slumber and supposedly snoring. I hop in the shower and disinfect myself with Hibicleanse. Groggy but without anxiety or fear. We head to the hospital. I check in with a smile and have pleasant small talk to the nurses in pre-op as they start my IV. My surgeons shake my hand and tickle me with their sharpie markings. A nurse injects my IV with something to “soothe my nerves”…

….poof I’m in the recovery room. Wait, what? 8.5 hours over? My husband greets me with a kiss on the forehead and sweet Meredith gives me a “marshmallow hug” they are rushed out of the room and I am left with my own OR nurse who does not leave my side. A vigilant watchman ready for any signs to rush me back to the OR.

I chose natural breast reconstruction. A more complex procedure but one that better fit my lifestyle and my mastectomy. Flap reconstruction takes skin from the abdomen or inner thigh and grafts to the remaining tissue left from the mastectomy. Microsurgery reconnects the vessels. For the first 24 hours I have my skin checked for rejection or necrosis. They check me every 30 minutes. Needless to say I did not get any sleep. It took some time to get my pain under control. Not until we added muscle relaxers. I’m hoping to get some better sleep tonight since I wont be woken up as often.

Today they want me to stand up and walk. It sounds like the impossible but I do it…partly because I want to stretch my Cramped legs and partly because they are forcing me to. I stand up bend way low and shuffle….they say I won’t be able to stand straight for two weeks…Ha, I’ll show them! I’m hurting a bit now, I think it’s time to get another dose…

Mom and the boys are visiting tonight. I hope to be coherent. I am sure they are excited about the cafeteria…..they love to eat.

Thanks to everyone for all their well-wishes. I read every single one. I absolutely love seeing the comment notifications. love to you all!

Feb 19, 2020

Two Days Post Surgery

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We learned great news that only the sentinel lymph nodes were removed. This is a good sign that the cancer has not spread.

Last night I was able to get 3 hour increments of deep sleep. Throughout the night the nurses maintained their vigilance clearing drains, checking tissue, changing IV, countless pills, heart rate, blood pressure and temperature.

Regardless of the hour, in this case 3 am, going to the bathroom is quite the ordeal. Bobby was in such a deep sleep I resorted to throwing pillows and empty cups to wake him. We unhook cables, leg cuffs, monitors and I gingerly inch off the bed. Shuffling with my IV cart, and make the arduous journey to the bathroom. The journey back is another story in itself.

Last night, I received well-wishes from many, many friends and family. My mom and boys came for a visit And brought baskets of gifts full of love and well-wishes. My boys took turns walking me around the halls of the ward. I hope to see them tonight but there are weather warnings and we don’t want them on the roads.

This morning it took some time for me to get comfortable but right now I am feeling pretty good; teeth brushed, full belly, Bobby combed my hair up into a pony tail and I’m snug in my bed. Doctors say I’m healing beautifully and expect to leave Saturday or Sunday.

Photos:

Gorgeous blooms from Oregon

Fluffy hugs from Canada

My First walk through the ward

AJ is the best escort

Sierra’s jar of joy

Mom brings the boys

My Lullaby

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The FlowCoupler is a Doppler device (think mini ultrasound) it uses high-frequency sound waves to measure amount of blood flow in my surgical site. It’s a constant hum of my heartbeat. Mesmerizing and lulls me to sleep. 24/7. The perfect white noise. I wish I could take this home with me. Take a listen…

Feb 21, 2020

No Place Like Home

Published on by Lisa Hockaday4 Comments

Good news! Doctors got me off that IV and later that day told me I was doing well enough to go home earlier than planned. Bobby had my stuff packed up in a flash….Still took a night, and most of the next morning to discharged. We came home to a fabulous welcome from friends and family. So fabulous that the ugly cry overcame me…. Feels wonderful to be home but I am exhausted. I’ve had several naps. I have a home health nurse tending to me as well. I promise to fill in more details. My original plan was to sit with the family at the table and play games but Im not quite at that energy level yet.

Thank you all for following my story. Please follow by subscribing so you get all my updates!

Feb 23, 2020

Sweet Slumber

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2D151B86-5F2A-48D5-BF66-C6F81836BC74Ive been home for almost thirty hours. Awake for maybe 4 of them. Im in good hands, mom, Bobby, boys, and friends are allowing time to move forward while I slow down and recoup. I slept in the recliner downstairs with B close by on the couch.

It’s Sunday morning, bright and early and already I have made a new friend! Don’t ask me her name but. She is awesome. She is my home health nurse.

I knew she was coming. I planned to wake early, shower, put on a cute pink mastectomy outfit. Have breakfast and wanted the pills already working their magic by the time she rang the bell….but instead I awake with a stranger smiling over me as I attempt to sit up, half clothed, and wiping drool off the side of my face. There is no time for vanity.

My nurse, like most, is a gem, she starts my day with a nod that I’m healing.

Im tired today. Exhausted really. I need to take a pill for nauseous, AJ wants to watch a show with me and I don’t even make the opening credits.

Temporarily I will be walking with a cane. I’m using muscles to stand that my body is not used to using. Two hour laters I take some more pills. I’m out again.

Bobby fashions a shower chair for me out of a laundry hamper. The shower feels so good. I stay till I’m wrinkly and the hot water runs cold.

Clean body, clean drains, and cute pink mastectomy clothes. I opt for a change of scenery and hang out in bed. I attempt to watch another show with AJ…..I can’t resist the comfort of my own bed and again failed to stay awake. I miss hanging with the kid. Despite me sleeping he stays.

Day is now evening and we are awaiting a dinner brought in by one of our amazing friends/neighbors. Mom wants to watch American Idol….our evening is planned!

XOXO, Lisa

Feb 24, 2020

Lion’s Story

Published on by Lisa Hockaday5 Comments

8913F937-25FC-404B-B4D8-69D1CB7EC758If you’ve noticed almost every picture I’ve posted has a little lion in the background. His name, fittingly, is Dan DeLion. I want you to know Lion’s story….

My youngest son, AJ loves lions, he has hundreds of them, in fact his favorite lion still insists on sleeping with AJ (shh confidential info)

My brother Dan was terminally ill with cancer. Dan and AJ had a sweet connection. AJ a rambunctious 4-year-old, and Dan the gentle giant would read, sit and play DS for hours.

AJ gave Dan one of his beloved Lions. A token of love and courage. A 4-year-old recognized his uncle was in need. Dan DeLion gave Dan courage through his pain, his hospital visits and was a constant reminder of the quiet peaceful times of being with a loved one.

Imagine my tears of joy when my sister-in-law, Ana, sent me a care package and inside was Dan DeLion. I need him, I need his courage even though my cancer is not terminal. Lion is my constant reminder to fight, to be courageous. To remember the wonderful times with friends and family. Lion is a promise that there will be many more to come.

How are you feeling? Really.

Published on by Lisa Hockaday21 Comments

4FE1E675-0268-41E8-A367-5AD20F5268EDA long-time friend stopped by yesterday to chat. Regardless of time, our rapport never skips a beat. She is someone I have no problem answering any question truthfully to and likewise I feel the same to someone taking the time to read my story. How am I mentally and physically?

“How are you feeling? Really.“ she asks.

Mentally

I respond with tears in my eyes. Holding back tears…keeps the words at bay. It’s quiet and my friend patiently gives me a moment… “I’m doing really good”. She understands my tears as her life also has been deeply affected by cancer. My crying comes with tears of relief. Relief that the surgery is over but I will never forget how scared I was those two marathon months prior to the surgery. I was scared of the pain, the recovery, the restricted activity…I was scared of how it would change my body, of losing my fitness and most importantly I was scared for my family.

Surgery is over and so is the fear. Sure my future holds many more concerns that come with uncertainty. I’ve got a challenging road ahead of me. But no more fear.

”Fear is only as deep as the mind allows”

I have faith in my God, my oncology team, my friends and family…I have faith in myself.

Faith overcomes Fear.

Physically

My body is recovering. My surgery involved billateral mastectomy, lymphadenectomy and DIEP Breast Reconstruction (deep inferior epigastric perforator). DIEP, I’m told its likened to a tummy tuck whereas the ”tucked” tissue is micro-surgically grafted connecting the nerves and vessels between my breast and abdomen.

  • From day one I have had no feeling in my chest, looks a bit Frankenstein, but no pain. As the transplant tissue heals I’m told I may regain some feeling. Honestly there no pain.
  • I have discomfort in my armpits from the lymphadenectomy. the incisions are right where my arms (armpit) constantly move. My fear of lymphedema however is greater than the discomfort so I push through and move and reach and move and reach to keep swelling at bay.
  • My abdomen…I have to say has given me some pain. Quickly I discovered how my abdomen is involved in every little move I make. I have a 16 inch incision that is sewn super tight…my tummy is like a drum. Funny thing I didn’t even know they had made me a new belly button until a couple days later when I finally was granted the glory of a shower.
    This incision prevents me from lying flat, sitting straight, standing upright…basically discomfort in any position that normally would be restful or relaxed. Each day the pain has decreased considerably. I credit that to my daily yoga prior to the surgery and my inherent ability to not be able to sit still.
  • My Back. As the other pain lessens it seems my back hurts more. My back hurts because I am using muscles I haven’t had to use before to make up for the fact that I cant stand, sit, or lay flat. This will pass…but sooner would be better. I can’t stand in one spot for long, I use a cane to walk and I would do anything to feel the stretch of a Sun Salutation but that is for another day….far away aways.

Seven days after surgery I completely stopped taking the major pain meds and now only use Ibuprofen, Tylenol and Valium (muscle relaxer for my back).

This is a long post and I leave you with a quote given to me by yet another wonderful friend,

Why should you stop the tears if they want to fall? Sorrow, fear and anger is looking for a way out. Why not show them the exit? Then maybe things you need more, like Laughter, hope, and resilience can move in and live.

March 2, 2020

Coming out with Cancer; The C Word

Published on by Lisa Hockaday8 Comments

I have breast cancer. Saying it, writing it, thinking it is shocking, awkward and difficult. I know the person receiving this information feels much the same. The purpose of this story is not to explain who I chose to tell but to bring attention to the simple fact that I had a hard time saying, “I have cancer”. I also want to tell you the reactions and the responses that gave me peace. Responses that let me know I wasn’t alone.

Telling my family was extremely difficult. It was Christmas and we had a house full of the very people whose experience with cancer was all to recent; my brother. Holidays are a bittersweet reminder that my brother is no longer with us. We chose to not say anything about the diagnosis till after the holidays. It was difficult, and at times I would have to exit the room with a lame excuse, but I can say it was one of the best holidays we’ve had. Somehow peace and relaxation overcame us all and what’s usually a hectic time had us all day, out back on the porch….just being. Together.

Telling my closest friends was of course hard. I overthought every aspect. Primarily to make it more comfortable for the receiver….I don’t know why…in my mind I “acted” it out. How should I say it; phone, text, in person. In fact I couldn’t say the “C” word. I found myself saying things like, “my biopsy wasn’t good,” or “Im having a mastectomy” anything but that ugly ”C” word. How will they react? How will I react. I didn’t want to cry…I was tired of crying…but I always cried.

With each “cancer reveal” I found myself drained emotionally and physically. I needed a 2-3 day reprieve between each “outing”.

One friend in particular I really wanted to tell in person, she was out of town with family…but that back-fired as on Christmas Day I sent her a text asking her, “How was your Cancer”….Freudian slip? Another friend, just instinctively knew.

It’s been 3 months since I was diagnosed and every day there is a friend who is just finding out. It’s not like I could send out a mass mailing or post on local news…imagine telling a yoga friend just before shavasana…there is just never the right time.

Good news is each time got a bit easier. Easier because of the loving responses, and sure I got some crazy, odd, and even dismissive responses but I have to credit most of that to the shocking and awkwardness of adding “cancer” to a conversation.

Hopefully cancer does not find your conversation in the near future but unfortunately it will and when it does I want you to know the memorable responses that gave me peace:

Extra-long hugs. A loving look. Reminding me of my strength. Assuring you will be by my side. Holding my hand. A jest that cancer has already met it’s match. Your continuing encouragement. Constant “checking-in”. Most importantly “thoughts & Prayers” as told hundreds of times and I felt loved each time. Such power in thought and prayer. It’s working my friends!

March 4, 2020

Thriving while staying-home

Published on by Lisa Hockaday10 Comments

Sometimes it takes a while for the blessing of a situation to reveal itself, but right away I knew this current stay-at-home order was a good thing for me. Without the carpool, after school activities, tutoring, errands, and routine appointments, I have nothing but time to concentrate on my health.

This rang true especially since my lab results were taking much longer than the original 10 days promised. These results determine my ongoing cancer treatment. So I tried to look at this as extra time to prepare for the next stage of my cancer fight and to not have a compromised immune system during a pandemic. Blessing.

I also need to add that some days, many days the word “cancer” escaped my mind, instead open to relaxing, watching, reading, and just being…

I’ve been able to gain my strength with walking, biking, a bit of tennis and even ran a mile or two.

I finally received my lab results last week. I’m just now absorbing the information. My scores came back low, this means that the risks and side effects of chemotherapy are greater than the recurrence rate of my cancer.

No chemotherapy for me! A surprise to us all, even the Drs.

For the next five years I will be closely monitored by my Dr. I’ll continue to get body scans. For the next 10 years I will be taking Tamoxifen for an additional 25-50% reduced chance of recurrence. As of this moment I am cancer-free…and once I hit that 5-year mark I’m considered cured! I still have a couple surgeries ahead of me. Not sure when they will happen but will let you know once I do.

Until then I have a lot to be thankful for and have gone through 2 bulk-size boxes of thank you notes!

April 23, 2020

5K is My New Marathon!

Published on by Lisa Hockaday7 Comments

Saturday morning I put on my running kicks ready for the Crush Cancer 5K. I’m a runner. I just like to run. I’ve run countless miles. Two weeks after surgery, I knew I couldn’t walk, let alone run most the distance but I was gonna do it anyway! With special permission to “cheat” I “ran” most of the 5K on an electric bike.

I looked like a Shriner Clown in the parade but I didn’t care because I was determined to be a part of this community and the cause we were all there for! Cancer has impacted everyone in every way.

I “ran“ with my family, my friends, my neighbors. I did walk the last part of the 5K with my big boy, Justin and Pink Petals and sure I was the last to cross that line, but next year I plan to place!

Once over I was exhausted but had a great time. The rest of the day had me. cozied up in front of NetFlix.

March 10, 2020

Post-surgery check in!

Published on by Lisa Hockaday10 Comments

I’m caught in another waiting game – awaiting pathology.
Since I chose to have my surgery at a different hospital system there was a bit miscommunication/delay in sending out my results so what typically would be a 2-week response is now 4…but as I mentioned before my definition of “time” has changed since diagnosed. I’m continuously reminded that this is a “slow-growing” cancer. I can’t say that puts my mind fully at ease.

Tick Tock

Pathology will determine Oncotype score.
Oncotype testing analyzes how the cancer tissue behaves and responds to treatment. The score also determines the chances of recurrence and will determine the chemotherapy treatment. We already know my cancer is estrogen-reactive and I will be on hormone therapy for the next 10 years.

Healing
I’m standing up much better, today I walked 2 miles. Farthest so far. It seems I can walk really well every other day. The next day my back pays the consequences. “No pain, no gain”.

Incisions are healing, my tummy…still tight. Imagine filling your tummy with air and stopping mid-breath. TIGHT! My DIEP Flap suture sites are healing and feeling is coming back. This is one of the benefits over implants. For now it’s lots of tingling the nerves and vessels are healing…kind of “un-nerving” feeling at times like my shirt is made of sandpaper. This is a good sign!

Blessings
Too many to count! Family, friends and neighbors. The mail! I’ve read each card over again. My meal-train keeps my boys full and my kitchen mess-free. My parents “parenting” the boys dealing with grouchy mornings and miles of taxi service. The hubs who tends to my wounds, at my beck and call with icy water, hot coffee and middle-of-the-night pillow adjustments. He even vacuumed today. Yep, can’t say I have much to complain about!

March 14, 2020

Walking with Petals, my 13-year-old pooch. Loyal & never leaves my side.

Self-containment Stir-Crazy leads to Sassy Cut.

Published on by Lisa Hockaday14 Comments

This morning we had to cancel a visit from my SIL and Niece in VA…disappointing but necessary. The third family visit we’ve had to cancel past two weeks due to the Caronavirus. Other than my walks I have not left the house. My kids too, no school, no music, no tennis, no friends.

Bored, I went down a YouTube rabbit hole…DIY hair cuts. Knowing I couldn’t pull this off myself my friend came over donned with mask and gloves. On the back porch we watched a couple more videos, sectioned off my hair and cut!

A fresh look always lifts the spirits! I think she did a great job! What do you think?

March 21, 2020

Friends & Family: Blurred Lines

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Giving thanks.

My family has grown immense. My tribe that includes not only Bobby, boys, Shelby, my parents, brother, nieces. Family includes my neighbors, friends far and near. Includes my doctors, surgeons and nurses. I’m blessed, humbled and loved.

I can’t express the appreciation the visits, cards, meals, daily check-ins, gifts, flowers and of course thoughts and prayers you gave.

May 13, 2020

Endless Summer

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Out to lunch with AJ last Saturday, our server greeted us with a smile.

Mid-sentence he did a double-take. Awkward pause of silence, a heavy stare at my chest. This server, half my age, was gawking at my…..T-shirt.

“What does your shirt say?” “F#%! Cancer”, and I tell him my story…I’ve told my story many times. It’s awkward, clunky and I feel like I’m talking in 3rd person. Replacing the pronouns from she to I. Surreal.

The server praises me for my courage. Calls me a warrior. I feel like a phony. Warrior, fighter, survivor, battle. War terminology. I’m quiet, an observer, I’m not aggressive…unless provoked.

Simply put, I feel like I have only one choice in the matter. When faced with cancer there is no choice but to fight. These days I categorize my life pre-post diagnosis.

July is my birthday month and I am 50! It’s a fun number to be. I’m celebrating all summer! With visits from Shelby, my brother, Cheryl, a beach trip with both nieces, girl’s trip to Savannah and a trip to Charleston to visit my sorority sister! oh, and quite a nice surprise birthday celebration.

Doing and feeling good I sometimes forget I have cancer. Isn’t that a wonderful thing?

July 31, 2020

Season Transition

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The boys are on there second week of online school but I’m not ready to let summer go!

I had lowered my expectations for summer obviously because of COVID, treatments, 2nd surgery, closed beaches, canceled flights, canceled college tours, canceled summer camps…

But I must add, I’m continuing with my great summer even though it’s now fall! Really I am!

Sure we made some modifications but summer was full of family, friends, beach, girl’s weekends, a couples weekend, lots of adult lunches, and even a surprise 50th celebration! Yep, I turned 50.

I can honestly say that a day or two will go by and “cancer” does not cross my mind. Sure it finds it’s way back, but I’m able to temper the thoughts as cancer does not have the hold on me it once did. I’m doing whatever I can to be in charge of body, mind and soul, and that has to be enough for now. I have stuff to do!

My doctor’s visit went as expected. No new updates. Still on the Tamoxifin and will be for at least the next five years. The side effects are either diminishing or I’m learning to live with….

August 18, 2020

Body and Mind

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Whenever faced with a challenge I’ve always just pressed on. I didn’t put much thought into it other than getting from point A to point B. The in-between always seemed to fall into place. It was as simple as a formula.

A marathon, for example, I’d sign up, follow a training program that would prepare me for the race. Then run from start to finish.

A found a formula in all challenges. School, work, even projects around the house. Not much thought was needed when steps were there for me to follow.

My Breast cancer obviously was a different challenge. Faced with multiple surgeries, treatments, and long recovery ahead of me. I was caught off-guard…because of the uncertainty. There was no absolute beginning and end. No formula. Only ranges, percentages, time-frame differences. I was going to have to put thought into this challenge…lots of thought.

I had developed a daily yoga practice. Mostly because the studio was close, my friends went there…auto-pilot routine. I wasn’t there for the “fluffy” stuff; breathing, meditation, being present. I got in my workout and moved on to the next item of my to do list.

I’ve talked about how time stood still when I received my diagnosis. I resigned from my job and watched the clock tick. I had two months to wait till I could even start this cancer challenge. Lots of time to tick. Lots of time to tock. Which led to a lot of unsettling thought. I decided to channel that time and brain energy and focused on mentally and physically preparing for the 9 hour surgery….more yoga! This time I worked the “fluffy” stuff. Quieting my mind was not an easy task….I began one minute at a time.

It worked. I credit yoga for so much….yoga prepared my body and mind for the surgery and my recovery.

Naturally needing another challenge I decided to get my yoga teacher certification. OM Shanti Shanti ever since.

There is a pose that eluded me prior to surgery. I had been working on it for 2 years. Pincha Mayurasana. Forearm stand. This pose removes fear, and opens the third eye chakra to improve mental abilities…whatevs, right? Keep an open mind! Pincha Mayurasana can be a lot of work….it actually takes strong shoulders, arms and abs (Which I’ve always lacked). Lots of effort goes into finding the sweet spot of the pose, but once you find it there is hardly any effort. Depending on the day I can find the spot. That is how I am discovering this body/mind connection of yoga.

Nov 26, 2020

One year.

Published on by Lisa HockadayLeave a comment

A year ago I was in the midst of at 9.5 hour surgery. It’s crazy to think that is behind me. It is!

I’m caught up with my surgeries, I’ve had four in 2020! I just met with my oncologist and reviewed my MRI. All clear! With this news I am now “downgraded” to oncology appointments every six months. I will have to do more imaging this summer. And I continue the Tamoxifen therapy. A daily pill for the next 5-10 years.

Cancer has changed my perspective and my priorities. Pre/post diagnosis. This new label covers my everything, thoughts, dates, time, my body, holidays even my hair length…liken it to pre-post kids or pre-post divorce, pre-post election….you get the idea.

Pre-diagnosis I would push my deep thoughts away. Now I sit with them. Some days are for only a minute. But I need to reflect on this past year. I don’t need to validate or come up with a reason why. Just appreciate what myself and my family has experienced. I have many blessings to count. My tribe is alive and well, I am too.

Feb 21, 2020

Why Me? Part Two.

Published on by Lisa Hockaday29 Comments
Hiking along the Harpreth River Narrows, TN

The name of my blog is a reminder….to not give all my energy over to something that can’t be controlled with worry, something that can happen to anyone at anytime for no reason. Why me? why not?

This past fall I changed Oncologists. I mentioned an area of concern that one of surgeons had noticed in a scan two years ago. My previous oncologist decided to “wait and watch” and that never sat well with Bobby and I. My new oncologist moved fast and immediately started to investigate. She ordered scans and referred me to a Thoracic Surgical Oncologist. He ordered detailed scans followed by two surgical biopsies.

First off we needed to rule out breast cancer. The second big concern was pancreatic cancer as detailed scans revealed not only a cluster of enlarged lymph nodes, but a messenteric mass was surrounding the celiac artery.

This leads us to March and once again, we “wait” …appointments, blood tests and consults.

My diagnosis, Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. Blood cancer.

Speed bump.

For two weeks we sat and setted with the idea of a surgically implanted port and R-CHOP chemo treatments. The thought of having to put my life on pause so that I may live made me angry and I was in disbelief. My body and mind have been through so much the past 2.5 years; breast cancer, pandemic, 6 surgeries, my brother’s death…even my big boy leaving home for college 2 states away….

Despite the past two years, I honestly have never felt as strong as I do now, physically and mentally.

My anger and disbelief softens.

So I began preparing for this pause in my life…so I can further life. Prioritizing things I wanted to continue for the short future and putting other things on hold. I knew I wanting to continue practicing and teaching yoga, so I decided no garden this year. A family vacation would unlikely happen over the summer so we planned a last-minute trip to Nashville the week before my treatments began. I researched diet and hacks for dealing with chemotherapy.

I cut off my hair.

Less than a week ago I added another Oncologist to my Anti-cancer army, her specialty; Hematology.

She describes my new cancer as a weed in the garden: we treat it, watch and when it grows back we treat again. Incurable, but treatable. She is the head of the department and a research Dr. So, a rock star in hematology oncology. She gave me some options for treatment. The top option was targeted therapy. Weekly infusions of monoclonal antibodies, a good place to start.

I’m ALL in.

Wham-bam we start Friday! For the next four Fridays I’ll be at the cancer center for 5.5-8 hours for treatments. After week 4 I take a break. Scans will tell if there is a response. If there is a reduction of more than 50% than we have a sign its working. If not, Dr has more options in her cancer arsenal.

So this means we are starting with a treatment plan that won’t be so hard on my entire body! Side effects aren’t as grueling. I can garden, likely vacation, I’m embracing this short hair, and of course, continue with yoga. I can still do it all, sure I’ll have to slow down a bit. But all my energies are going toward this treatment working….Why me? Why Not?

If you’d like to join me in this direct line please send a bit of your thoughts, love, energy and good vibes my way.

Feb 22, 2022

Rituximab 1st Infusion. Check!

Published on by Lisa Hockaday8 Comments

Yes, I had anxieties, yes I got little sleep. But my first treatment really wasn’t as bad as my mind had pictured. I didn’t know what to expect as there is not much testimonial information out there.

Overpacked? I like to say I was prepared for any scenario an infusion may bring: starvation, frigid temperatures, extreme heat, dehydration, boredom, dry skin… I fixed my hair, put on a bit of glam and donned cute, yet comfy, clothes…why not?

We arrived at the Cancer Center at 7:45am. We were smacked with an insurance/billing mishap….unsettling at first, but now resolved, and just like that the Director waived us on through as if we paid entry to a roller coaster ride. Tight turns and twists through doors, flashing lights and a hallway that led to a door marked, “Infusion Room” our speed decreases almost to a stop, the coaster hangs and my heart skips before the big drop….the door opens into a large open area of 30 or more vinyl recliners.

Waiting for the Finance Counseler to come to work. Trust us we’re smiling!
Really we are!

I met my Nurse, Katie. I’m a certified expert, authorized to declare a good nurse by “needle work”…she’s a great nurse. She describes the infusion process. She says it will be a long day. We can expect to be here for 5.5-8.5 hours. Anti-inflammatory, pain meds and Benadryl are put into my IV first to help prevent allergic reaction to the Rituximab. I feel loopy, drugged…ready to start the Rituximab. It’s a slow drip, my body needs to acclimate and not react to the medicine. Nurse Katie vigilantly checks my vitals every 30 minutes….all day.

Bobby runs to Starbucks and my Warrior Sister in pink, Sarah, sits with me. She has a Dr appointment at the Cancer Center. Sarah knows this place all too well. Her visit means so much. Her treatments were during the pandemic, no visitors allowed—strongest Warrior I know. She holds my hand, and tucks warm blankets around me.

About 45 minutes into the infusion my throat began to itch, and I could feel welts rise inside my mouth, and it was getting hard to swallow. I ignore it until I feel my ears itch and my sinuses swell. Nurse Katie comes to check in and I tell her what’s going on. She instantly stops my infusion and checks my vitals—it’s the start of an anaphylactic reaction. She gives me another antihistamine and no change. I am terrified my body may reject this medicine….but she reassures me this happens. The medicine is paused for over an hour. My Dr prescribes a steroid and my reactions begin to subside. Slower drip. And time begins to tick.

I have no pain, no discomfort other than restlessness. I try to read, tried a word puzzle, even tried origami. The steroid keeps me from concentrating on anything. Bobby was back. He dozed…I didn’t. I watched the clock. Patients come and go all day. Always a smile before heading back to their everyday lives…just a “to-do” on their list. Amazed these patients go on doing their everyday. I may not know these people but I can tell you they are amazing!

The infusion continued without any issue. Nurse Katie continued to check on me. She knew to the minute when we’d be done. She said next week we start with the two antihistamines and steroids then start the Rituximab. Slow but hopefully will be able to speed up. They second treatment should not be as long.

We got home about 4:15. Mostly I was hungry, I was tired, felt a bit achy, almost flu-like. Saturday I must admit I was feeling fatigued. I was also emotional. I can’t quite explain it other than “did yesterday really happen?” It’s still hard to believe I’m on a second cancer diagnosis. In fact I have an appointment Wednesday with my breast cancer oncologist. Oh, and did I say I was tired? My stomach has been upset but so far no nausea….that alone could break my day. It’s now Sunday and as I write this update I feel pretty darn good! I am teaching a relaxed yoga flow today! So looking forward to getting on the mat!

The science:

Typically, Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma is treated with R-CHOP chemotherapy. Each initial is a different medicine. For me my Doctor is starting with just the “R”—Rituximab.

Rituximab is classified as a monoclonal antibody. Monoclonal antibodies are a relatively new type of “targeted” cancer therapy.

April 24, 2022

4 treatments down!

Published on by Lisa Hockaday7 Comments

Last Friday I had a CT scan and this Friday I meet with my Doctor to discuss the effectiveness of the treatments! If the mass shows a reduction of 50% or more then the Rituximab is working!

…I’ve been in a sleepy haze, but my peeps managed to make each week uplifting, fun and bearable! Ya’ll were with me in spirit, with the meals, care packages, thoughts and prayers, and I certainly felt the love!

I tolerated the treatments well. Found a routine where I slept for two days then slowly woke up the remainder of the week in time for the next treatment. I did have fevers, upset stomach, flu-like aches…a necessary discomfort for a positive outcome.

I just feel it deep down in my soul that this treatment is working!

let me share some “highlights” of my weekly treatments!

May 26, 2022